I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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