was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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