Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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