Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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