Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
