she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
