I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
