I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
