Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
