Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
