Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
