Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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