The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We need to rekindle our bromance
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving