Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened