Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.