Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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