My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.