i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
