he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she looked like the before picture.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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