is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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