I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
