question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
