dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this just has baby written all over it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just invented taco cereal.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
