Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
