So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
