Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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