I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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