I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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