my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
