I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
