It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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