having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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