I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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