I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
