I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
