Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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