i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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