just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
