Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
