My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just cropdusted the office
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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