Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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