They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
