covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
