Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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