How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
