so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
