dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
FUCK WHALES
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