I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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