after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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