I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
