Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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