you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
