I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
