With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
