I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
