Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
