Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize