she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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