I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
