You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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