remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
