just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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