I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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