I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
