Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
