Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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