Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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