it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
