I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
