i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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