I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
