I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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