We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
