Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
