Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
