I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
