i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
