I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
