Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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