Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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