My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
