a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
